You guys may think the drama is over, America has spoken. But, no! If the internets and FOX “News” are correct, Obama engineered Hurricane Sandy to make himself look all heroic and shit, just saving him from certain defeat. New Jersey governor Chris Christie dared to say NICE stuff about Obama and in so doing LOST the election for Romney! Instead of voting for THIS GUY:
We chose a liberal Muslim from Kenya who hates ‘Merica!
Our first openly gay senator, Tammy Baldwin of Wisconsin, was elected. Tammy Duckworth, who lost her legs in Iraq and dared talk about her service, defeated true hero Joe Walsh to represent Illinois in the House of Representatives. Pot was legalized in Washington and Colorado. Maine, Maryland and Washington has now joined several other states in supporting marriage equality. Claire McCaskill shut that whole Todd Akin thing down and legitimate rape suffered a terrible blow. To some, this spells progress. But to others, it means the end of the world as we know it. My evangelical friends are quoting Bible verses predicting Armageddon. The more militant types are talking REVOLUTION!
Beleaguered Christians everywhere are
celebrating lamenting the destruction about to rain down upon an evil nation. They have fought the good fight. They did their best to elect a good cultist Mormon to office to stave off certain doom, but the minions of the Devil were too mighty in this battle.
1 Thessalonians 5:1-10 (From the KJV: The ONLY “correct” Bible!)
5 But of the times and the seasons, brethren, ye have no need that I write unto you.
2 For yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord so cometh as a thief in the night.
3 For when they shall say, Peace and safety; then sudden destruction cometh upon them, as travail upon a woman with child; and they shall not escape.
4 But ye, brethren, are not in darkness, that that day should overtake you as a thief.
5 Ye are all the children of light, and the children of the day: we are not of the night, nor of darkness.
6 Therefore let us not sleep, as do others; but let us watch and be sober.
Everyone’s favorite billionaire, Donald Trump, is trying desperately to warn us. The hoi polloi are destroying AMERICA! WAKE UP and smell the TEA BAGS!
So, this is not over folks. This was not some mere election. This is the future of the human race! Gather your children, get your guns, buy lots of duct tape and hunker down. Jackbooted thugs are around every corner. As my friend pointed out, the Mayans must have been right all along!